Temperance for the Addicted Mind

31 Aug

When I concluded that I have an addictive personality, I realized that I had two options: either I relinquish the addiction in its entirety, or I temper it by other means.

Now because beer is a detrimental addiction, and caused me to suffer a bit of agoraphobia, I have relinquished it altogether. Unfortunately, because I have replaced it with juices, I am getting far too many calories. Here is where I can temper this addiction. I simply alternate ice water between the juices. The biggest problem is that I drink so much that I have little to no appetite. Thankfully, I love to cook, and eat healthy; I just need to figure out a way to temper the liquid intake.

Intercourse and fellatio are also addictions. Men believe themselves to be quite virile, but no man can withstand the addicted mind. Obviously, I must temper rather than relinquish these addictions. I simply take my imaginary lover to where ever I choose, and do whatever I desire. My lover is handsome, intelligent, witty, hairy chest, muscular legs and buttocks, and is well-endowed. The other night I took him to the hot springs in Iceland. He tastes good. He feels good, and I do not need to masturbate. Problem solved.

Politics is an huge addiction. I temper this by reading about singers and movie stars who I’ve never even heard of. I feel that in this sense, I will maintain some sense of normalcy. I started doing this after watching those “man on the street” interviews, and getting all the political figures correct, but not knowing who the hell the entertainers were. In other words, I was the opposite of the people interviewed.

If I had OCD, I would probably be in big trouble as I have no clue how those personality types deal with their quirks. For instance, I’m addicted to herbs and vitamins, but if I had OCD, I would probably line them up in some sort of order, or some such nonsense.

Aside from going to some shrink, which is probably a total waste of money, I feel that I’m handling my addictions in the most intelligent way possible.

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