Don’t Touch Our Tits*

27 Oct

For me there is nothing worse than getting a mammogram. Let me give all you fellas a glimpse into the fun that we girls go through once a year…..

First they give you this open-backed gown for modesty – kinda pointless as the tech does everything but motorboat your bazookas.

Seriously, your hooter is placed on a cold metal slab, and arranged as if being plated by a Michelin-star chef serving the Queen of England. To make the perfect presentation, it is then flattened a la Melon Crepe-style by another cold metal slab from above. As you exhale through your discomfort, you are told not to breathe (the perfect shot is essential.)

Perhaps this would all be fun if Hugh Jackman was my titty tech, but I guess they don’t let men do this kind of job…..or actors?

Imagine then, my rapt attention when perusing my Prevention magazine. The page I opened to reads: Creating Fear for No Purpose? Take a look at what happened over the course of a typical decade for women 50-74 who got mammas versus those who didn’t.

It then listed the stats for every 1000 women who did get screened and those who did not. Check this out:

Not Screened                                                                                                               Screened

0    Women who learned after biopsy that their diagnosis was a false positive            100

0    Women whose breast-removal surgery was medically unnecessary                      5

21  Women who died from all types of cancer                                                              21

5    Women who died from breast cancer                                                                       4

Interesing, huh? Basically, Dr. Laura Esserman, a renowned breast surgeon and scientist, correctly asserts that we should do away with blanket mammogram guidelines, and make them the life-saving tool they were meant to be. Her research showed that while screening mammography was increasing breast-cancer diagnoses, it was not reducing cancer deaths. Esserman has designed a new system of screening that will dramatically lower the number of women who die from breast cancer. Don’t get your hopes up too high; mammograms are still part of the mix in her logical breast-screening trial called WISDOM.

To keep abreast, please read the full article in the November edition of Prevention. In the meantime, please pray that Jackman desires a career change.

*Shamelessly stolen from the Mel Brooks’ musical, Young Frankenstein

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